On Christmas Eve 2020, I closed the doors of the office my husband and I share, and walked towards the window to see the Hudson River inthe distance. Then, I sat down at my desk, set up a pack of ruled insert papers, gel pens in 7 different colors, and my blue mechanical pencil. I turned on a diffuser on my desk and Himalayan salt lamp, and took a couple of deep breaths. This was it. The day has come!
I opened up my MacBook Air, turned on a ring light, andclicked on Zoom link.
“Hey baby, Merry Christmas! How are you, the kids, how iseveryone doing?” greeted my friend in California. Harmony Sedona is a truewriter whisperer and this was our first soulstreaming session to start compiling ideas and content for this book.
“The kids are great, all excited. I’ve been up since five inthe morning, as a friend called me. Her friend had taken her own life, so shejust needed to talk to someone. So, I am processing that as it was a really grounding experience. Now I'm in a whole different space, excited to channel everything for this book. And, I had a conversation with my grandma overseas, about her upbringing, her childhood, her perspective of things. She turned 90. In between, the girls and I made cupcakes, so it’s been such a great, productive day.
“It’s just one of the things that a lot of parents are reallyexperiencing right now, a whole different reality of switching the hats. You don't even have time to take a breather in between. You're just like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Now, I’ve been doing this for 10 years, I had the luxury of easing into it, learning every step of the way. I was not thrown into it like millions of parents.
“That said, I don't even know what day it is. I'm living insuch quantum time. The other day, I was asking Tyler about something I thought hedid the day before. And he reminded me that it was a few hours prior. No way!”
We proceeded with an affirmative prayer, and just like that, I began the process of creating my book. A book that’s been sitting in my mind andheart for several years now. A book that, after reading the first several pages of Glennon’s Untamed, really needed to be released.
But, and of course there is a but - something always came up.Whether it was a technical approach to writing that I found restricting, or anew breakthrough occurred that shifted my whole perspective or understanding yet again, or the most convenient of the excuses - I simply did not have the time to write nor the money prioritized to self-publish the way I envisioned.
I could not decide on the direction, point of view. But onecan only delay the inevitable for so long… My friend’s superpowers of facilitating the process came in just the right time, and that’s what we set out to do!
And just like that, the word “change” dropped in.
Change.
That’s it!
It’s so funny, because when I think about it, in the spiritualcommunity we have all been feeling the great change coming, the dawn of a newera. So, paired with the incoming change of the Administration, with all the changes that Covid-19 brought upon us, the word itself seemed pretty watered down and overused at this point.
But it kept showing up so I took a deeper look.
I looked on my own life and realized that I have always been apart of the change! Or someone who got to go first…
Whether it was on the basketball courts of my hometown’s clubteam, Slovenia’s National Team, my NCAA D-1 team in New York. In school, beingthe first in the family to graduate and earn a master's degree. In life, moving across the Atlantic and starting a new life on my own, 4,500 miles away from my family, friends, culture…
Perhaps the most prevalent impact is the one I have the honorof co-creating as coach, transformational mentor, catalyst, strategist!
Someone said to me “Sara, you are the closer! Many people havecome before you, but it was you who was able to see and define the vision, thepath, and then hold it until I was ready to step into it…and finally turn my biggest dreams into reality!”
As I went back though my notes from the past 9 years, thatpivotal moment is what clients got to experience during our times together!
And then there were all the conversations with my Babi!
Oh, I miss her dearly and am so grateful we get to talk on thephone! When I think about our relationship, I think about Moana’s deepconnection with her Gramma Tala! In fact, later on I will share one of the pivotal moments in my life that was triggered by a very particular moment in the movie that I had watched a gazillion times with my little ones.
So, on that particular day, Babi and I spoke about great changes in how the society currently has shifted via politics and throughgenerations...
Born and raised in Slovenia, a part of what used to be Yugoslavia, she lived through the Second World War. But what was so fascinatingto me was her attitude!
Highly aware of the situation in the USA, I wanted to knowwhat happened after WWII was over. When neighbors returned from the frontlineswhere one fought on the German Nazi’s side, one for the Italian Fascists, and one to defend the country with Slovenia’s Partizani.
Especially since one of my great-grandfathers was killed bythe Fascists behind his own house, leaving his wife alone with four children;his son-in-law, a father of two himself, fell under the Nazis’ shots. My other great-grandfather was imprisoned by them.
“Well, everybody shook hands, moved on, and continued living,like nothing ever happened.” Her answer baffled me!
I WANT TO BE ABLE TO LOOK INTO MY KIDS’ EYES
Just a few months earlier, Mara, my 8-year old, came to mewith a question so big I could read it in her big, blue-grayish eyes. Eyes that are a wide open window into her old, wise soul. Eyes that see the unseen, andread between the lines, and that sparkle when she talks about animals, history, or plays with her little sister.
“Mami, can you vote?”
“No, not yet.”
“OK, then we need to tell family to not vote for Trump!”
“Oh, honey! I am afraid we can’t do that. Everyone has a rightto choose for themselves. But we can talk to them. What would you want to tellthem?
And what she wanted to know stopped me in tracks.
“Mami, how can they say how much they love me and Franceska but are perfectly OK with kids in cages?”
Even though Tyler and I made sure we did not watch the news ordiscuss details of the politics in front of the kids, she somehow knew.
So, here we were. My hands in a sink doing dishes, and herstanding by the dishwasher’s open doors, waiting for my answer.
There were so many things I wanted to tell her. There were so many names I wanted to name. I wanted to do it right, maybe I can spare her…
In a second, I was transported 30 years back, and was standingin the kitchen of my childhood home, a multi-generational household.
My Dedi was sitting on a chair by the door, to my left. Hisright elbow on his knees, chin resting on this hand, and a cigarette between his right pointer and middle fingers. His brown eyes were wide open but his look seemed distant, just like the sound of the 7am news that was coming from a radio in the far corner.
I was 6 at the time, about to turn 7. For some time now, I’vebeen feeling something was going on, but nobody told me anything. Not in kindergarten, not at home. And by the time evening news came on TV at 8pm, my younger sister and I were already ushered to bed.
Babi and Dedi saw it coming but did not want to worry me for Iwas only a child. It finally all made sense when the Balkan war broke out in 1991.
I did not know much beyond the fact that Mami and Oči packed up bags, food supplies, and put my sister and me into our small red Yugo car.
We barely managed to escape through some side paths as the streets by ourapartment building were already barricaded - nonetheless, we lived across thestreet from an army base!
Off we went into hiding to our teeny, secluded cabin that Dedi and Oči had built with their bare hands, and where we normally spent weekends and holidays.
Army convoys passed by daily on their way to a secretgovernment base nearby, and that a family friend, now in uniform, came to checkon us regularly, bringing with him packets with chocolates, socks, and other supplies.
The events that I had witnessed in the years that followed hadhelped to enforce what has already been shaping inside of me until then…
But now I am back in my kitchen, and now my kiddo wants theanswers. Even without the politics, the past several months of socialdistancing and home-schooling due to pandemic, hiding from the invisible and unpredictable and potentially deadly force, have not been easy on her, on anyone!
The restrictions of travel and inability to even see our lovedones made it even more challenging for a child who’s been on her first flightat only 3 months old!
For me, it all felt so familiar! I’ve been there before, mymuscle memory and that of my nervous system kicked in, and has helped me tostay cool, calm, and collected through it all. In fact, I found a peculiar level of comfort in the newly-found closeness!
“Mami, you are not American, but can you vote?” poked andprovoked Mara, whose heightened level of consciousness has been tapped into thecollective; she’s even been experiencing physical manifestations of it for years!
Political tensions were now rising with dangerous maneuversand rhetoric’s, fear mongering, and divisiveness. We inched on fascism! I knew what it looked like, and I knew what would come next if something did not change - and change fast... and that terrified me! The signs were there. And so was the denial...
DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL
By now, I was on my knees, holding her tightly, loving herwith every fiber of my being. My heart was racing. My breaths were shorter andmore rapid. My eyes welled up with tears. Then, I exhaled.
Years, decades rather, of intense mindset, endurance,resilience training (as an international athlete, leaving my home country topursue studies and athletic career on a whole new continent and now running a business in nom-native language), deep healing, spiritual practices, pragmatic tools… it all prepared me for this time, and for the times that come next!
In that moment, she has spoken the words of mantra, purpose,mission, faith! More than the sound frequency of these words, it was theenergetic signature of it!
I morse-coded the 5th dimension for guidance, I asked for theability to distinguish between spiritual truth and projections, and then we sat down to talk.
She deserved to know. The girls needed to know. They already knew…
On September 27, 2020, I posted this to my Facebook wall:
I make it a point to discuss money and politicswith the kiddos.
I make it a point to discuss ideas over people.
I make it a point to take a 360 view on everyissue, the good, bad, and the ugly.
We talk about the merits instead of mereorigins of ideas.
I make it a point to say and exemplify thateverything has the right to exist. That everyone has a right to their opinion,and that we ought to see the other side's perspective to understand them evenwhen we don't agree with them.
And especially that what feels good canoftentimes be different from doing what is right. That we ought to do what isthe right thing to do.
So, the kiddo has a presidential encyclopedia,she read history books, she watches tv. She sees ads.
As divine beings, the kiddos are tapped intothe collective energy. They see the unseen. They know what's going on. Theyfeel it.
The kids.
Becoming a mom humbled me.
MY DAUGHTERS SHARPENED MY EDGES
And they empowered me with this armor of “I don’t give a damnabout what anyone else thinks about me.”
When my friend from California and I met again on New Years Eve for our next book-creating session, it became clear that I come from a longline of fierce women, independent in their bones, who then had to play certain roles with certain beliefs in certain energetic patterns to show up in their lives in order to survive.
How much strength does it take to renegotiate relationships tostay alive? How to master this dichotomy game?
Recovering from postpartum depression and severe burnout afterhaving accomplished everything I had ever wanted by the age of 30, became my spiritual awakening.
I realized that my two daughters would be the 6th generation (that I know of) repeating the same patterns just in a different way… unless I choose to break out of the shackles of generational and cultural programming.
After realizing that strength and independence have somehowbecome my own cage, years, decades, centuries had to be undone.
Just like that, following my Northern Star became much easier. And it gave me the strength to take some radical steps in creating the requiredspace of serenity, support, and unconditional love…
On October 1, 2020, I sent out a letter to certain family members and friends:
For years, we were able to brush aside the factthat we have been on the opposite sides of the political spectrum; in greatpart it did not really matter.
Until now - because this is no longer aboutpolitics.
Today, I am writing youthis letter as a woman, as an immigrant, as a mom to girls, as a wife, as agranddaughter of WWII survivors and a descendant of political prisoners, as abusiness owner, as a mentor to women, and as a friend, customer, and serviceprovider to people in the LGBTQ, BIPOC, and African American communities &all sorts of ethnic and religious backgrounds.
Today, I want to thank you for showing me thatyou are still willing to overlook sexism, racism, bigotry, homophobia,misogyny, infidelity, xenophobia, fraud, divisiveness, vindictiveness,violence, extortion, bullying, White supremacy, and fascism.
I know you are a good person, and yet neitherseem to be a deal-breaker for you.
They are for me.
So, thank you for giving me the clarity on ourvalue differences.
I am not judging you.
I am not angry.
I accept and see and honor you for all who youare.
And no, I am not asking you to change youropinions, your philosophies, nor your vote because it is your birthright andfreedom to support anyone and anything.
You are, and shall always be, a sovereign being.
It’s simply clear to me that you are willing todo it at the cost of not having me in your life in the future, and if so, then I am willing to release you.
After my husband stormed out of the room in deep disapproval and obvious disappointment over my choices, I collapsed to the bathroom floors. For a moment, I felt lost. Heart-broken. Betrayed. Helpless. Confused!
Could it mean…? How did I not know…? No, I know him, that’s not who he is…? Who is in bed with us?
Is it possible I made a mistake to come back from Slovenia in 2018,when I knew in my heart that the girls thrived there? Was I naive to take backmy request for divorce?
There are no mistakes… Can I just trust the process, evolutionwithout numbing my knowing? Can I come to peace, can we maintain equanimity inour further conversations?
It hurt so much because I loved him deeply, because my soulknew better, and deep down on soul’s level, I knew the truth.
And that was not it!
3-D REALITY WAS CLEARLY GLITCHING
I also knew that the key to whatever was supposed to happennext was in releasing all the next-layer of stories and expectations.
I knew I had the power to access my supreme knowledge, tocreate the space for us to dive deeper, to understand, and to feel safe. I just needed to regain focus, surrender and trust...
And, to love unconditionally - myself and him.
But for now, all I could manage was having a very humanexperience as the most primal powers emerged, and all that mattered were thegirls. We had to get out of the house.
On November 4 and throughout the days that followed, it becameclear that over 70 million people clearly did not have any deal-breakers,either! But were we really surprised?
Regardless, Mara was relieved to hear about the electionresults. “We did it, Mami!” she exclaimed as the whole world breathed a sigh of deep relief.
On January 6, 2021, magic and miracles happened.
On the wings of Stacy Abram’s decade-long relentless pursuitof justice, Georgia elected Democratic senators and flipped the state.
A few hours later, an attempted coup took place, a large andorganized armed group stormed the Capitol…
…and just like that, Black woman’s victory was overshadowed by insurrection, a deadly attack on the US Capitol by sad and angry (mainly) white men (and some women) who were incited by the dangerous rhetoric that the elections were stolen.
Again, this felt so familiar. I saw it coming. I called it because I have been there before – personally, and in ancestral memory... So I gathered the girls, braced them for what they were about to see on TV, and turned on the news so that they would see it first-hand.
Again, we spoke about ideas, morals, ethics.
On January 20, Kamala Harris was sworn in as the Vice President of the United States. The first female, the first Black woman, thefirst South Asian American.
In 2021.
At 11:30am on that big day, I was suddenly overcome with anauseating headache.
Immediately after President Biden took his oath, I crawled to bed, repeating a mantra of “Release with ease” to meditate the pain away untilI fell asleep. It was simply my visceral reaction to the sudden (collective) release of oh-so-much that we have been holding for the past 4 years. I woke up 2 hours later, ready to go...
We are in the dawn of a new era, era of a more centered, substantial, and intentional living and leading… in life, love, business, sports, at home.
We are in the process of dismantling unconscious limiting patterns, breaking all reason and rules (because they no longer apply), expanding our capacity, and accessing our supreme knowledge & untapped greatness to realign the collective and uplift humanity!
And I get to co-create this…and I get to superchargemulti-dimensional, multi-directional, and multi-planar growth, success formyself, my daughters, their children, and for generations to come...
DARE TO ASK FOR MIRACLES
By the time the world re-emerged from the 18-month pause, I have become stronger in my softness, sharper in my openness to receive more,and much more clear in my mission, purpose, and vision.
Our home became a sanctuary and we were gifted additional 18 months of family time as our kiddos would stay home during the pandemic.
Tyler and I reconnected on a much deeper level. Exalted in hisunconditional love, I realized just how much he has supported me by not lettingme be less or playing small.
I also re-established boundaries in congruence with myoutspoken advocacy for equality, women's rights, and a system that promotesequity
I teamed up with my soulsister and friend Dianne Sykes to form Elite Mystique Agency, a bespoke boutique multidisciplinary practice. Operational Solution for humans, homes, and heart-centered companies led by executive women who want to do great things, and redefine health, happiness, and fun.
I wrote a manuscript for this book IT IS NOT THAT SIMPLE - a story about 6 generations, 3 wars, and one woman's cross-continental quest to reclaim her Primal Power (and inspire a more intentional way of living, loving and leading in the new era).
In September 2021, I became a US citizen. When friends askedme how it felt and if I was excited, the only thing that came to mind was, “Itis not that simple…”
And then, I realized something that hit me hard...
All along, I have put myself in a submissive position, stifledmy own voice, and caged my own power. When he earned more money than me, I made my needs and desires become subservient to his. My soul’s knowing became a subject of his dis/approval. And my heart’s nudges ought to be explained, justified, and excused. It was a tape I took on as my own, and have been playing it non-stop!
And yet, my original song, if my soul were to write one, wouldbe more attuned to: "You are a magical witchy woman hailing from a lineage of matriarchs who lived ahead of their times. Your innate knowing that is always right. And it cannot even be articulated! And your power & capacity? Well, when you move, mountains follow."
FOR BOOK AGENTS/PUBLISHERS:
This is still a manuscript, so contact Sara Oblak Speicher directly if you would like to help bring this book to the audiences around the world.
5 section and 36 chapters chronicle a multi-generational and cross-cultural story of my own life’s experiences as an elite athlete, business owner, primary home provider and expat. Sprinkled with a pinch of mysticism and metaphysics, I take the reader on a dynamic and transformational journey while integrating these major topics:
- rooted traditions & conscious parenting, marriage
- self esteem & deep transformation
- high-performance & mental health
- expectation & fulfillment through work, life
- history, politics & current cultural affairs
- purpose & spirituality
Copyright 2021 by Sara Oblak Speicher